The All Alone Wound

Last night at men’s group we listened to Dr. Robert Lewis discuss the ‘All alone wound’ as part of Men’s Fraternity, year one.  Early in his intro he makes a statement regarding the depth of our relationships and how we need to pursue certain relationships with other men in order to not become someone who has many “acquaintances”.  I had just the night before been looking at my first girlfriend’s sister’s Facebook friend list and noticed that she was friends with some people that I didn't even realize might have met her.  Then my wife noticed that she was friends with my wife’s college RA.  At the time I thought the traditional ‘It’s a small world’, but after last night I felt like maybe I just have become the guy that everyone is acquaintances with.  I seem to fail at having close relationships with anyone I do not consistently come into contact with.  I never really fit into any group and invitations to group activities do not come my way voluntarily, so consistent contact doesn't occur easily.  I haven’t spoken to the best man at my wedding in almost two years and only recently contacted my other groomsman. 

Dr. Lewis started talking about having an “Admiring Mentor” as one of the relationships that you need.  At the moment, I do not really have anyone that I would say fits that description, but I do recall some people who have shaped my life and how I appreciate them for it.

Fred

Fred is a family friend who was genuinely interested in my future and success.  Helped me work on my resume and interviewed me for practice.  But one of the things that really ingrained into me was when he invited my family to help out in cutting flowers for the Rose parade.  That night we discussed some things and what I remember the most was talking about Job specifically chapter 38.  God speaks to Job and gives him a smack upside the head.  “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man I will question you, and you shall answer me.  Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand.  Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!  Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?” (v. 2-7).  God, professing his ultimate power in creation, points out that he is in control.  God doesn't seem like a condemning, mean being, but rather expects us to stand before Him as a man (or woman) to be questioned and held to account.  Boom.  Not to mention, his questioning is to account how the earth was made along with how everything works in the known universe.  Boom.  Job is at a loss.  “Then Job answered the Lord:  I am unworthy—how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth.  I spoke once, but I have no answer—twice, but I will say no more.  Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm: Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.” (Job 40:3-7).  Job wants to bow out, but God calls him to stand again.  You are going to take it.  The duality of this passage is striking to me.   First, God is an amazing God and he created all and knows all.  Second, God expects us to stand before Him and answer Him and His questions.  I reflect often on this passage. 

I really appreciate all the time Fred spent with me and the mentor-ship he has provided.

Bob

Bob was my scoutmaster and my friend’s dad, so he had a lot of time throughout high school to interact with me.  Early in the mornings on camp outs, before anyone was up, I would wander to a nice spot and usually run into him enjoying the sunrise in contemplative prayer.  I enjoyed being on the mountain with him because I knew he saw what I saw when he looked out at the top:  God’s glory in creation. 

One of the times I remember with him also I consider a key moment of stepping into manhood.  We were out hiking with the troop on Mt. San Jacinto and had finished setting up camp.  The other scouts and I were playing in the snow, throwing snowballs and making forts.  Apparently a ranger came by and asked for our permits.  We had some, but apparently missed a hiking permit for one of the areas that we had crossed through.  The ranger demanded that we return to the ranger station and get one.  Normally this would be no big deal, but it was winter and it was late.  A hike to the ranger station meant we would hike back in the dark.  Since there were only three adults, only one could go to the ranger station.  Bob chose me to go with him because I was one of the more senior of the boys there and he knew my parents would be fine with it since they knew each other well.  

We packed light, and headed out.  It was dusk and towards the end of our hike and a wolf showed up to shadow us.  It was kind of neat and freaky, but no big as he left us alone.  We took care of business at the ranger station and headed back.  It got dark quick.  Hiking by headlamp is fine under normal conditions.  On a snowy mountain trail, when the trodden trail is now ice from the temperature drop, it can be quite treacherous.  Along the way Bob kept a conversation going, pointing out good shelter areas, testing my first aid knowledge and inventorying my 10+ essentials I had in my day pack.  At one point, the trail was on the side of a hill above a creek about 30 feet or so.  It was a steep slope and it had tested our ability to pass it twice that day.  Now it was icy, dark and even more challenging.  Looking at this section, Bob reminded me that if I slid down the slope, he would go after me.  He also reminded me that I needed to go after him if he slid.  I remember that moment well.  It clicked in my brain that he was relying on me to help him.  Me.  I had to stay with him because if one of us got hurt, our best chance for survival was together.  I had someone relying on me.  I knew I had to go with him.  His reminder was not because he was commanding me to do it, but rather pointing out that in that situation we were reliant on each other.  What I knew he would do for me, I would have to do for him.  Writing it down seems to lose some of the translation as to the significance of this moment and words are hard to find to describe this change so I will let scripture do it for me. 

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

There are many more people that have impacted me and I would like to spend time on them, but for now I will post after mentioning only one more, my great grandfather.  He invested in me, the little boy I was, more than wisdom.  He shared the love of Christ and guided me to my salvation.  I wish I would have had more time with him, but he gave me everything I needed to live.

Thank you all.