The All Alone Wound

Last night at men’s group we listened to Dr. Robert Lewis discuss the ‘All alone wound’ as part of Men’s Fraternity, year one.  Early in his intro he makes a statement regarding the depth of our relationships and how we need to pursue certain relationships with other men in order to not become someone who has many “acquaintances”.  I had just the night before been looking at my first girlfriend’s sister’s Facebook friend list and noticed that she was friends with some people that I didn't even realize might have met her.  Then my wife noticed that she was friends with my wife’s college RA.  At the time I thought the traditional ‘It’s a small world’, but after last night I felt like maybe I just have become the guy that everyone is acquaintances with.  I seem to fail at having close relationships with anyone I do not consistently come into contact with.  I never really fit into any group and invitations to group activities do not come my way voluntarily, so consistent contact doesn't occur easily.  I haven’t spoken to the best man at my wedding in almost two years and only recently contacted my other groomsman. 

Dr. Lewis started talking about having an “Admiring Mentor” as one of the relationships that you need.  At the moment, I do not really have anyone that I would say fits that description, but I do recall some people who have shaped my life and how I appreciate them for it.

Fred

Fred is a family friend who was genuinely interested in my future and success.  Helped me work on my resume and interviewed me for practice.  But one of the things that really ingrained into me was when he invited my family to help out in cutting flowers for the Rose parade.  That night we discussed some things and what I remember the most was talking about Job specifically chapter 38.  God speaks to Job and gives him a smack upside the head.  “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man I will question you, and you shall answer me.  Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand.  Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!  Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?” (v. 2-7).  God, professing his ultimate power in creation, points out that he is in control.  God doesn't seem like a condemning, mean being, but rather expects us to stand before Him as a man (or woman) to be questioned and held to account.  Boom.  Not to mention, his questioning is to account how the earth was made along with how everything works in the known universe.  Boom.  Job is at a loss.  “Then Job answered the Lord:  I am unworthy—how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth.  I spoke once, but I have no answer—twice, but I will say no more.  Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm: Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.” (Job 40:3-7).  Job wants to bow out, but God calls him to stand again.  You are going to take it.  The duality of this passage is striking to me.   First, God is an amazing God and he created all and knows all.  Second, God expects us to stand before Him and answer Him and His questions.  I reflect often on this passage. 

I really appreciate all the time Fred spent with me and the mentor-ship he has provided.

Bob

Bob was my scoutmaster and my friend’s dad, so he had a lot of time throughout high school to interact with me.  Early in the mornings on camp outs, before anyone was up, I would wander to a nice spot and usually run into him enjoying the sunrise in contemplative prayer.  I enjoyed being on the mountain with him because I knew he saw what I saw when he looked out at the top:  God’s glory in creation. 

One of the times I remember with him also I consider a key moment of stepping into manhood.  We were out hiking with the troop on Mt. San Jacinto and had finished setting up camp.  The other scouts and I were playing in the snow, throwing snowballs and making forts.  Apparently a ranger came by and asked for our permits.  We had some, but apparently missed a hiking permit for one of the areas that we had crossed through.  The ranger demanded that we return to the ranger station and get one.  Normally this would be no big deal, but it was winter and it was late.  A hike to the ranger station meant we would hike back in the dark.  Since there were only three adults, only one could go to the ranger station.  Bob chose me to go with him because I was one of the more senior of the boys there and he knew my parents would be fine with it since they knew each other well.  

We packed light, and headed out.  It was dusk and towards the end of our hike and a wolf showed up to shadow us.  It was kind of neat and freaky, but no big as he left us alone.  We took care of business at the ranger station and headed back.  It got dark quick.  Hiking by headlamp is fine under normal conditions.  On a snowy mountain trail, when the trodden trail is now ice from the temperature drop, it can be quite treacherous.  Along the way Bob kept a conversation going, pointing out good shelter areas, testing my first aid knowledge and inventorying my 10+ essentials I had in my day pack.  At one point, the trail was on the side of a hill above a creek about 30 feet or so.  It was a steep slope and it had tested our ability to pass it twice that day.  Now it was icy, dark and even more challenging.  Looking at this section, Bob reminded me that if I slid down the slope, he would go after me.  He also reminded me that I needed to go after him if he slid.  I remember that moment well.  It clicked in my brain that he was relying on me to help him.  Me.  I had to stay with him because if one of us got hurt, our best chance for survival was together.  I had someone relying on me.  I knew I had to go with him.  His reminder was not because he was commanding me to do it, but rather pointing out that in that situation we were reliant on each other.  What I knew he would do for me, I would have to do for him.  Writing it down seems to lose some of the translation as to the significance of this moment and words are hard to find to describe this change so I will let scripture do it for me. 

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

There are many more people that have impacted me and I would like to spend time on them, but for now I will post after mentioning only one more, my great grandfather.  He invested in me, the little boy I was, more than wisdom.  He shared the love of Christ and guided me to my salvation.  I wish I would have had more time with him, but he gave me everything I needed to live.

Thank you all.  

Romans 14

Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.  Romans 14:1

In Romans 14, Paul is writing to the Jews and Gentiles in Rome about the issues of accepting one another with love and not being judgmental of our fellow heirs in Christ.  They were struggling with the differences between Greek and Jewish traditions and culture, probably in relation to festivals and dietary requirements.  Though, if we look around at ourselves I don’t think Paul’s words seeped in.  How do we avoid judging each other?  I know I have a terrible time avoiding it.  It seems socially embedded into our being.  We all make up our minds about things and perceive each other’s flaws.  Why else would we be warned not to do it (Matt. 7:1-2)?

It is my job to inspect and convey to the responsible parties the compliance issues that I perceive.  Even though there are a list of laws and regulations, ultimately I am the one that determines, in that moment, whether or not what they do is wrong.  I have training and other people’s guidance on the laws and the interpretation, but I am still the one who decides if what I see is a violation or not.  Doing this as a vocation I know that many do not agree with my interpretation at times.  Conflict and a broken relationship is often the result.  And this is a work environment in relation to hazardous materials and safety topics!  How much more do we divide ourselves by judging each other?

Perhaps I am being too global to the idea, but I am merely attempting to establish that our fallen nature leans us to judge one another.  With our fellow Christians, we have to be aware of what we do.  What is the result of our actions? 

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. Romans 14:13

            We need to be purposeful not to judge each other within the church.  It is hard.  What is a stumbling block?  It drives me nuts when the music is loud at church.  Is that a stumbling block?  I would argue no.  It is irritating and perhaps physically damaging (depending on the Time Weighted Average and OSHA limits), but the fact that it is loud does not challenge my faith or cause me to sin.  It is just personal preference.  So what is a stumbling block?

I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclear. If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. Romans 14: 14-15

            In reality, it could be just about anything that creates distress in someone else.  We are not talking concern or disgust, but it makes sense.  You don’t take a compulsive gambler to a casino or a recovering alcoholic to a bar.  This goes beyond that however.  It is a relationship issue, one with God and one with our fellow believers.   

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.  Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble.  It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall. So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin. 
Romans 14: 19-22

            Live with Christians in a loving manner.  If someone is a smoker, don’t get down on them because you consider that ungodly.  Ask them to work with you on not tempting others and be nice about it.  If you are a smoker, be aware some people have issues with the habit.  Someone may be struggling with trying to give it up, for health reasons or because they feel that they should treat their body differently as a Christian.  Maybe skip that smoke before the Church service so you don’t have the familiar odor on you.  Or at least don’t smoke in the church parking lot so that everyone sees you. 

            If you notice, there are two instructions in the above passage: 1) Keep it between you and God and 2) Do not doubt.  Be sure about what you are doing and keep it to yourself and God.  God is the integral part of the issue.  Can you drink?  Ask God.  It is an issue between you and Him.  If you make it an issue between you and another believer, you are stepping in between God and the other believer.  That is not our place.  It is certainly not a safe place to be.

I do believe that there is a time to discuss certain things like drinking, smoking and other ‘issues’ that may be out there.  That time is in a safe place when key terms are defined, the parties are willing to set aside their emotion and earnestly looking into the subject; knowing full well that it may not be solved at the end of the day.  Otherwise we end up with people making accusing statements on Facebook posts and calling each other prejudice.  Coming together with believers on other topics in love could be quite revolutionary.

Status update....

Right after getting married, I spent some time listing out my favorite movies.  I did it as a break from all the job applications and to amuse myself.  Now, on my fourth round of review, I have found it to be an interesting look into the status of my life.  For example, now that my daughter has turned 2 years old, I find that children's movies have begun to find their way into the ranking.  Some of the more "inappropriate" movies have shifted down as the question of "would I let my children watch this?...ever?" floats through my maturing parental mind.

I am not saying there is too much to be gleaned from this, but it is fun to think about it. Besides, isn't having a ranking an internet thing anyway.

Here are the rules:

1) I must have seen the movie twice

2) I must have seen the movie since 2001 (this makes it so I don't have to think about every movie I have ever seen and gives the movie a fresher perspective)

3) Some movies are not ranked do to a) the connectivity of several movies to each other; b) an emotional/cultural response to the movie(s); and/or c) the inability to distinguish the movie(s) from sequels, in comparison to other movies.

The following meet this criteria: Indiana Jones Trilogy (the Crystal Skull does not and will never exist), Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Wizard of Oz, Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan, James Bond Films, Bourne Films, Back to the Future Trilogy, Batman Films.


1.   The Hunt for Red October
2.   Silverado
3.   Roman Holiday
4.   Undercover Blues
5.   Red
6.   Return to Me
7.   You’ve Got Mail
8.   Clue
9.   The Shawshank Redemption
10.  Miracle
11.  The Sting
12.  A Few Good Men
13.  The American President
14.  Remember the Titans
15.  War Wagon
16.  Ferris Bueller's Day Off
17.  October Sky
18.  Catch Me if You Can
19.  Apollo 13
20.  Tron Legacy
21.  Tron
22.  Sneakers
23.  Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid
24.  The Great Escape
25.  The Princess Bride
26.  The Man Who Knew Too Little
27.  Rear Window
28.  North By Northwest
29.  Mary Poppins
30.  Joe Versus the Volcano
31.  Groundhog Day
32.  Spies Like Us
33.  When Harry Met Sally
34.  The Italian Job (2003)
35.  War Games
36.  Hero
37.  I, Robot
38.  Big Fish
39.  Her Alibi
40.  Facing the Giants
41.  The Ultimate Gift
42.  A Beautiful Mind
43.  The Fugitive
44.  The Incredibles
45.  Red Dawn (1984)
46.  Braveheart
47.  Sound of Music
48.  Stranger Than Fiction
49.  Mr & Mrs Smith
50.  Blindside
51.  Three Amigos
52.  Paycheck
53.  Fearless
54.  Spy Game
55.  The Prestige
56.  Equilibrium
57.  The Right Stuff
58.  To Kill A Mockingbird
59.  The Count of Monte Christo
60.  The Usual Suspects
61.  Get Smart
62.  Maverick
63.  The Saint
64.  Road to Redemption
65.  The Truman Show
66.  Top Gun
67.  Gladiator
68.  Crimson Tide
69.  The Dirty Dozen
70.  Independence Day
71.  Ocean’s Eleven (2001)
72.  Cars
73.  Gone In Sixty Seconds (2000)
74.  The Last Castle
75.  The Legend of Bagger Vance
76.  Emperor's New Groove
77.  K-PAX
78.  Dead Poets Society
79.  Patriot Games
80.  Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
81.  Hitch
82.  Emperor’s Club
83.  déjà vu
84.  The Matrix
85.  National Treasure
86.  Romancing the Stone
87.  Chariots of Fire
88.  Bruce Almighty
89.  Tremors
90.  K-9
91.  The Patriot
92.  Ronin
93.  Sleepless in Seattle
94.  Sabrina (1995)
95.  Crash
96.  Spaceballs
97.  Fierce Creatures
98.  Hoodwinked
99.  Next
100. 50 First Dates
101. Second Hand Lions
102. The ‘Burbs
103. Wild Hogs
104. The Mummy
105. The Terminal
106. 2001: A Space Odyssey
107. West Side Story
108. Fiddler On the Roof
109. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
110. Forget Paris
111. While You Were Sleeping
112. The Last Samurai
113. Minority Report
114. The Rock
115. Lucky Number Slevin
116. Running Man
117. Total Recall
118. Broken Arrow
119. 8 Legged Freaks
120. Gattaca
121. Robin Hood: Men in Tights
122. Twelfth Night
123. Galaxy Quest
124. A-Team
125. Air Force One
126. Overboard
127. 10 Things I Hate About You
128. Jerry Maguire
129. Rosencrans and Guildenstern are Dead
130. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
131. The Man from Snowy River
132. Goonies
133. GI Joe
134. Fireproof
135. Rush Hour 2
136. Shanghai Noon
137. Shanghai Knights
138. Rush Hour
139. Tuxedo
140. War of the Roses
141. High Anxiety


Biggest Gain: Her Alibi up 37 spots from 76 to 39
Biggest Drop: Sabrina (1995) down 73 spots from 21 to 94

Top ten commentary:  Red was introduced at number five and Undercover Blues swapped with Return to Me because of how often I watch them in comparison to each other.  A Few Good Men and Sneakers dropped down bringing up Miracle to fill its place.

So much to do...

... so little time. Even less time for rest. Organization and getting things ready. It is difficult enough trying to get out the door for church, let alone having some quiet time. But there is a good reason to have it, and the same reason to try harder to obtain it.

Food Tidings

It is humbling to know all the people that care about us. Calls, visits and meals. It is amazing how much people care, even though we are only two people with a baby. Not a pastor, not a president. Not a rockstar or humanitarian. But here it is. And it is a blessing. Thank you.

Night time watch

Listening for that noise that means that the baby is awake. Its an interesting mental process. Exhausting emotionally. Considering what each "egh", "neh" and "wah" and whether or not it means that she is asleep or not. If she needs to be changed, fed or needs another blanket. Praying for her safety, her salvation, her life. It's like star hunting, at night, with my red flashlight on watching her twitch and breathe. Looking for signs of life.

What people say...

I am so excited to be a dad. Even the fact that it is 1am and I am posting this instead of sleeping, doesn't bother me. We should all have time off from work to be with our little ones. She spent about an hour today just looking around, at mom, at me, at the square outlines of her bassinet. Not something that you get reminded of very often by people outside this experience. Usually they just say babies just eat, sleep and cry. I have to say that the eat and sleep may be true, but the cry is really about as often as the staring and quiet flailing. But I guess nothing is ever quite like how people say it will be.